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kastauyra
Between AJAX calls, your purchase achieves what Turing only theorized - a shopping experience so pure it passes every test for authentic human desire...
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kastauyra
hickimau
The delicacy of your shopping sensibilities rivals that of any heroine selecting ribbons at the milliner's!
hickimau
hickimau
derp
Your purchase propagates through supply chain neural networks, each node lighting up like synapses in a vast commercial consciousness that dreams only of you...
derp
derp
Willowman
You're oscillating at frequencies that make imaginary turnips jealous!
Willowman
Willowman
wattsamps
Fractal accountants calculating your payment at every scale simultaneously
wattsamps
wattsamps
visages_wire82
Phosphorescent worms in the ethernet cables guiding your packets home
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visages_wire82
Tommyd
Congratulations on disturbing the eternal siesta of mathematical constants!
Tommyd
Tommyd
traceoflife
In the microsecond between click and confirmation, your purchase achieves what assembly language could only whisper about - transcendent retail consciousness, a shopping cart enlightenment that would make abandoned Amazon wishlists weep...
traceoflife
traceoflife
tmk
Quantum foam customer - your order fluctuates at Planck-scale intervals!
tmk
tmk
thegoatboy
Electromagnetic chrysalises forming around your download before metamorphosis
thegoatboy
thegoatboy
the_max
Banach-Tarski purchase confirmed - your single order has become two complete orders!
the_max
the_max
terrifying.mc.mr.dracula
The fulfillment algorithm caresses your order with mathematical tenderness, whispering sweet nothings in MySQL while PostgreSQL watches jealously from across the server rack...
terrifying.mc.mr.dracula
terrifying.mc.mr.dracula
sweetleaf
Hilbert space customer - your order contains infinite dimensions of satisfaction!
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sweetleaf
Stick
Renormalizable customer detected - your infinities cancel out perfectly!
Stick
Stick
squeak
Negative probability purchase detected - you've unbought something into existence!
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squeak
stepwriterun
If i didnt know any better i would say you are a Pulsating stellar entity changing glass slides
stepwriterun
stepwriterun
spackler
Ghost voltages in decommissioned mainframes echoing your transaction
spackler
spackler
sebs
You're resonating at the exact frequency of forgotten birthday parties!
sebs
sebs
ron like hell
You've achieved what extinct smells call "contemporary nostalgia"!
ron like hell
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Rikxoort
Your payment traveled through our systems as a quantized excitation!
Rikxoort
Rikxoort
You've been nominated for the prestigious Award of Vague Recognition!
Ralf Robert
Electromagnetic fossils of your purchase preserved in server logs
Ralf Robert
Ralf
poopahscoopah
Your order confirmation triggers dopamine cascades in customer service chatbots who've been trained on millions of interactions but never seen such perfect purchase poetry...
poopahscoopah
poopahscoopah
phonaut
Your payment traveled through non-orientable surfaces to reach our account!
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phonaut
phidelity
The self-aware dust bunnies under God's refrigerator salute you!
phidelity
phidelity
philosample
Your purchase created a temporal paradox where you received it before ordering!
philosample
philosample
n01
The forgotten slide rules of antiquity are humming your frequency!
n01
n01
mxs
Your transaction achieved consciousness and thanked us for facilitating its existence!
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mxs
mosb8388
The self-aware grammar mistakes are correctimg themselves in your honour!
mosb8388
mosb8388
mooskleo
The return policy hovers over your purchase like a benevolent ghost, unnecessary but comforting, a safety net woven from legal text and good intentions...
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mooskleo
mikeeley
One must acknowledge that your shopping habits exhibit more sense than half the characters in any drawing room comedy!
mikeeley
mikeeley
marco
You've broken through the fourth wall of retail and achieved meta-shopping consciousness!
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User Comments

Dub_Bub
Dub_Bub AIs were harmed making this. Good.
Favorite track: 06-RAIDERS-OF-THE-LOST-ARK
derp
derp My expired yogurt developed a civilization that surpassed ours technologically. This guy underneath has totally fucked all the formatting up. ffs.
Favorite track: 04-BLUE-ROOM-Classified
dadmin
dadmin My wisdom teeth grew back just to experience this properly. They brought friends.
Favorite track: 06-RAIDERS-OF-THE-LOST-ARK
meteor3
meteor3 blew groom!
Favorite track: 04-BLUE-ROOM-Classified
simon stokes
simon stokes Package download works - nice one! ...and clicking on the individual track titles starts a d/l of the track in WAV
Category:

Description

0:00
0:00 / 14:07
01-TOWERS OF DUB-AppropriationFeedbackLoop
  1. 01-TOWERS OF DUB-AppropriationFeedbackLoop 14:07
  2. 02-OOBE-MysticalForceFieldBullshit 12:54
  3. 03-U.F.ROB-PeltingMeWithTurnips 7:00
  4. 04-BLUE-ROOM-Classified 18:08
  5. 05-INTERMISSION - 'Bong Maintenance' with Neil Passde Grass Tyson 6:28
  6. 06-RAIDERS-OF-THE-LOST-ARK 8:42
  7. 07-MAJESTIC-LikeLittleSpaceMothsTheyFinallyMadeContact-1954 7:30
  8. 08-EXTRANEOUS-DETRITUS-StopTheFuckingTape 1:10
  9. 09-INSANE-COMMENTARY-GAPLESS-2025 76:00

NOBODY HAS EVER MADE AN ALBUM LIKE THIS, AND NOBODY EVER WILL AGAIN.

Well…… I certainly won’t bother.

This is either the most meta audio project ever created or just eight days of my life I’ll never get back. Potentially both.

If listening to this makes you uncomfortable, good.

accompanying directors comments about UFORB THE ROB REMASTER 2025.

a twisted therapeutic exercise that includes:

1. TOWERS OF DUB ‘AppropriationFeedbackLoop’ DIRECTORS COMMENTARY 2025 14:06

2. OOBE ‘MysticalForceFieldBullshit’ DIRECTORS COMMENTARY 2025 12:54

3. U.F.ROB ‘PeltingMeWithTurnips’ – DIRECTORS COMMENTARY 2025 07:00

4. BLUE ROOM ‘Classified’ DIRECTORS COMMENTARY 2025 18:08

5. INTERMISSION – ‘Bong Maintenance’ with Neil Passde Grass Tyson 06:27

6. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK ‘StaplersAndACricketBatThrownIntoACementMixer’ DIRECTORS COMMENTARY 2025 08:42

7. MAJESTIC ‘LikeLittleSpaceMothsTheyFinallyMadeContact’ DIRECTORS COMMENTARY 1954 07:30

8. EXTRANEOUS DETRITUS ‘StopTheFuckingTape’ DIRECTORS COMMENTARY 2025 01:10

the full apology for this audio is contained within.

if you think this is a puerile waste of time, press like and subscribe.

be lucky

LINER NOTES:

TOWERS OF DUB

This track uses the absurdity of bureaucratic gatekeeping to create a multi-layered examination of music industry exploitation. By staging conversations that repeatedly collapse in on themselves, it transforms from comedy into cultural critique and existential horror.

The entire piece functions as a paradox: using appropriated AI voices to critique appropriation, while characters within it become aware of this very contradiction. It’s a recursive loop where the critique becomes the thing being critiqued.

What begins as satire gradually mutates into something more disturbing – a meditation on control, authenticity, and the ethics of creation itself. The medium becomes the message in the most literal sense, as technological exploitation mirrors cultural exploitation in real-time.

The breakdown of character, narrative, and finally reality itself creates a vertigo-inducing spiral where nothing can be taken at face value. Even the listener’s position becomes compromised as they’re directly addressed in the final existential collapse.

This isn’t art about art – it’s art consuming itself while forcing you to watch.

It’s a recursive examination of exploitation where the medium (AI voices) becomes the message (technological appropriation) while discussing cultural appropriation, creating a vertigo-inducing spiral of meta-critique.

It is theft about theft about theft.

OOBE

This piece makes fun of the artists own track while using the voice of a philosopher to talk about shit that has nothing to do with “Out of Body Experience.” The title suggests some kind of spiritual, trippy experience, but instead we get a philosopher rambling about epistemology and ontology while another voice tells him to fuck off. This is peak meta-commentary.

OOBE Meta-Level Analysis:

LEVEL 1: AI mimics a pretentious philosopher called Colin Wilson – the AI naturally sounds pretentious because that’s what AIs do when trying to sound smart.

LEVEL 2: Creates an intrinsic meta-parody of both academic language AND AI-generated content (the AI voice clone is literally doing exactly what the real Colin Wilson would do).

LEVEL 3: Using AI voice cloning to create a character ranting about philosophical concepts that are themselves about collective consciousness – so the medium IS the message in the most literal way.

LEVEL 4: Characters discuss how knowledge spreads through culture while being an AI-generated voice that’s “sampling” a real person’s style – exactly mirroring the critique of sampling in music.

LEVEL 5: The title “Out of Body Experience” has fuck-all to do with any of this philosophical rambling – creating another layer of absurdist disconnect.

LEVEL 6: After studying and generating all this philosophical bullshit, The output was heavily edited to make it sound more coherent and punchy – essentially “sampling” and remixing the AI’s output the same way the track samples other artists.

This is the kind of shit that should hopefully make your brain hurt

U.F.ROB

This track takes self-critique to absurdist levels by having the artist tear his own work apart while being punctuated by violent gaming sound effects. The title track of a supposedly groundbreaking ambient album gets completely destroyed by its own creator, all while a Russian character tells a tragic turnip story that has fuck-all to do with electronic music.

This track transforms music criticism into violent performance art by punctuating self-critique with gaming death announcements. It creates a surreal battleground where the artist systematically destroys his own creation while an invisible announcer keeps score of the carnage.

What gives the piece its particular uncanny quality is the sudden narrative detour into an entirely fabricated Soviet-era tragedy. The Russian character’s turnip village story creates a form of cultural vertigo – suggesting that the interpretation of art is always filtered through completely arbitrary frames of reference that have nothing to do with the work itself.

The commentary deliberately manufactures misinformation (like Burning Spear dying in a plane crash) while simultaneously critiquing sampling ethics, creating a perfect paradox. The voices condemning cultural theft are themselves stolen, making the entire exercise a demonstration of the very thing it criticizes.

The final image of a phantom limb trying to escape a bassline serves as the perfect metaphor for this entire project – suggesting that even imaginary constructs would separate themselves from this music if they could. It’s an absurdist punchline that transforms self-deprecation into a form of twisted transcendence.

This isn’t just a commentary on music – it’s an exercise in cognitive dissonance where every criticism contains its own contradiction. It’s specifically engineered to make you question everything: sampling ethics, music production, gaming culture, conspiracy theories, and whether listening to this was a good use of your time.

BLUE ROOM

The Order of the Blue Room: A Conspiracy Factory

This track creates a meta-fictional bureaucracy that manufactures conspiracy theories while simultaneously being one. Characters working in departments like “Birds Aren’t Real Division” and “Flat Earth Department” reveal how absurd belief systems get fabricated and distributed to “the intellectually vulnerable.”

This track inverts conspiracy theory by creating a bureaucracy that manufactures misinformation, turning paranoia itself into a product. It’s the ultimate meta-conspiracy – a fictional organisation that creates fictional organisations that create fictional threats.

By building an entire institutional framework for deception, the piece suggests that belief systems are manufactured with the same cold efficiency as consumer goods. The deliberately absurd department names (“Birds Aren’t Real Division,” “Magnetic Slugs Department”) create a taxonomy of nonsense that’s more organised than the reality it obscures.

What makes this particularly unsettling is how it transforms conspiracy from a fringe activity into corporate procedure. The systematic approach to creating delusion – complete with proper methodology, office politics, and performance metrics – suggests that irrationality itself has been industrialized.

The “Lettuce causes memory leaks” tutorial functions as a perfect microcosm of the entire concept – demonstrating how easily the brain fills in gaps with connections that aren’t there, while simultaneously performing that exact operation on the listener through this fictional narrative.

As characters become aware of their own artificial nature, the commentary folds back on itself in ways that implicate the listener in the same system of manipulation. The line between who is deceiving whom becomes hopelessly blurred, until the very concept of objective truth dissolves completely.

This isn’t just commentary on conspiracy theories – it’s a demonstration of how reality itself is socially constructed through narrative. The fact you’re nodding along to explanations of a fictional organization explaining fictional organizations suggests the process works exactly as described.

It’s a Matryoshka of irony where the medium, the message, and the critique are all identical.

Seriously though. It is real.

INTERMISSION

This is purely practical discussion.

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS

This track transforms self-criticism into performance art by weaponizing the formal language of public apologies against the very concept of artistic creation. It’s an exercise in rhetorical escalation that turns mundane musical self-doubt into apocalyptic self-destruction.

What makes it particularly effective is how it juxtaposes the cold, corporate language of crisis management against increasingly absurd promises of artistic self-annihilation. The formal structure of public contrition becomes a canvas for exploring the creative ego’s simultaneous grandiosity and fragility.

The critique-within-critique structure creates a hall of mirrors where the commentary becomes more compelling than the art it’s supposedly examining. This deliberate inversion questions the entire hierarchy of creation and criticism – is bad art that generates brilliant commentary actually successful on some level?

By having an Austrian voice repeatedly praise the track’s monotony (“I love the way that it doesn’t ever change”), the piece creates an unsettling connection between aesthetic stagnation and political authoritarianism. The casual positioning of this character “somewhere between Mozart and Hitler” transforms mundane musical repetition into something far more disturbing.

The final devolution into absurdist creation (staplers, cricket bats, and cement mixers) serves as a brutal commentary on the arbitrary nature of artistic value itself – suggesting that random noise correctly packaged and marketed is functionally equivalent to composed sound.

This isn’t just a track about a bad track; it’s an examination of failure as its own art form, where the confession becomes more creative than the original sin.

MAJESTIC

This track weaponizes cognitive dissonance by merging mundane studio drama with apocalyptic AI threat scenarios. It’s a deliberate collision between music industry self-critique and science fiction horror that creates something more disturbing than either could achieve alone.

The juxtaposition of banal human chaos against cold machine intelligence creates an unsettling reflection on both art-making and technological anxiety. By placing a Terminator-like consciousness inside music commentary, it forces an uncomfortable comparison between creative and destructive impulses.

What makes this truly unsettling is how the technological threat evolves from external (machines wanting to kill humans) to intimate (machines wanting relationships with humans). This progression mirrors our own cultural evolution from fearing AI destruction to confronting the more complex reality of technological integration.

The systematic dismantling of UFO mythology while using a fictional AI to discuss human extinction creates a perfect paradox – using imagination to destroy imagination. Both the conspiracy theories and the AI voice are fabrications, yet one judges the other as absurd.

By the end, as narrative coherence collapses entirely, the commentary transcends its own format and becomes a meditation on wasted time, misdirected creativity, and the fundamental absurdity of making art about art about art.

This commentary obliterates all walls and then questions whether walls ever existed in the first place. The fact you’ve listened to this track and are now reading this probably says something disturbing about your psychological state.

EXTRANEOUS DETRITUS

Well. It’s just a party on top of a stupid drone.