I Was There – Adventures Beyond Andy Falconer and his Violent Assault on me

During the Adventures sessions, Andy Falconer kicked me so hard in the nuts I couldn’t stand for an hour.
This wasn’t subtle. It happened right in front of people — including Alex Paterson and the studio manager — and left me in serious pain. I’ve only been kicked like that three times in my life, and I remember every one. Falconer later claimed he doesn’t remember doing it. I do. And Alex was standing right there.

It caused a serious disruption. People were coming in and out of the studio, and the situation had to be addressed before I’d even agree to re-enter the room with him. I remember speaking to him on the phone afterward, and he apologised. It came out of nowhere. It was bizarre.

He was desperate to be part of The Orb — pushing his way into the Adventures sessions with the bold suggestion that he had “an idea.” That idea, by the way, was to go to HMV, buy a CD, and stick it on a record. Lol. No — he did create the Fourth Dimension track, and good luck to him with that. But he never worked with us again.

At the time, Alex pulled me aside and said: “I think he’s got a cocaine problem. He keeps going into the toilet. I’m not sure about him.” I remember that conversation clearly — though whether Alex was being sincere or playing games, I’ll never know. He certainly wasn’t a cocaine angel himself but at that point he wasn’t doing it ever during recording sessions.

Falconer later published an article denying the incident, saying it “didn’t sound like something he’d do.” But it did happen. And I wasn’t the only one who saw it. Being kicked in the nuts like that — you don’t forget it. Not ever.

The reality is: he never worked with us again. But he still can’t connect the dots.
Why didn’t they hire me again?
Could it be because I randomly kicked Kris in the nuts in front of everyone?

Falconer’s claim in Juno Daily (Dec 2024) original link (https://www.juno.co.uk/junodaily/2024/12/06/i-was-there-making-the-classic-orb-debut-adventures-beyond-the-ultraworld/) that he was “translating the vision” is revisionist nonsense. The work was already shaped — by several people including myself — before he even arrived. He wasn’t building anything. He was brought in as an engineer during a process already in motion. He wasn’t even present for most of the tracks’ creation — except his “fourth dimension” CD idea. 😀

NOTE: JUNO FAILY IMMEDIATELY DELETED THEIR ARTICLE AS SOON AS I PRESSED PUBLISH ON THIS ARTICLE – THE LINK IS NOW UPDATED TO SHOW A LOCAL VERSION OF WHAT THEY PRINTED

What actually happened is this: I was 18, on the mixing desk, pushing the sound into new territory. He didn’t like that. I wasn’t following clean engineering rules. I was breaking things. That challenged him. What he now frames as “friction” was jealousy — and a violent outburst. He didn’t just “sit out” U.F.Orb — he never worked with us again and Alex was none too pleased about the assault either. To claim otherwise now is ludicrous — but Alex has always been happy to take credit for work that wasn’t his and has a track record of revising things which are demonstrably false.

And let’s be clear: U.F.Orb wasn’t even Alex’s production. It was mine. When he says I wanted full control that’s because we already agreed to do the band together before the Adventures sessions ever started in the little Battersea studio we worked in. And yes, I’m a complete control freak in the studio. Greg did more than Alex. Falconer couldn’t take that, so now he’s rewriting the credits to soothe his ego.

In his article he refers to “Hoping Kris would grow up.”
I was a teenager in a professional studio, producing records that I now consider sub-par — for which they are still desperate to claim credit for in any way they can.
Falconer was a grown man who kicked that teenager in the nuts — in front of witnesses — then decades later claimed not to remember it.
If anyone needed to grow up, it wasn’t me.

Their idea of maturity was obedience. Mine was vision.

That assault was the end of it.
Now he’s back, trying to claw credit and sound he never earned.
You can borrow the name and try to revise what you did.
But you’ll never fake the sound — or the attitude.